Local Motors Rally Fighter, Dodge Viper RT/10, Yamaha XSR900: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

I miss Local Motors. I remember reading about the Rally Fighter in Popular Science magazine as a kid, and dreaming about getting a spin in one. See, kids, “magazines” were kind of like websites, but the posts were written down on very shiny paper.

Local Motors is long gone now, but the cars are still around. You should buy a Rally Fighter, and use that long-travel suspension to the full extent of its stroke. Go jump this coupe.

This Fozzie has a sticker on the window claiming “Money well wasted,” which is a perfect summary of car modification in general and Forester XTs in specific. No matter how much you build up a Forester, it still won’t get the same respect as a WRX or even a Legacy GT.

From other people, at least. I’ll respect the hell out of you. Foresters, particularly the early cars, are fun crossovers that are worth pouring money into. I understand you.

There’s something neat about Malaise Era American cars. They’re not good, and I don’t want one, but there’s a sort of honesty to them that feels rare in modern cars. This Chevelle is humble, but not overly so.

The car looks to be in good shape, with its paint faded to a nice haze that respects the car’s age. The panel alignment is fine. Stop asking questions about the panel alignment.

Hell yeah, brother. Those wheels are a travesty, which any reasonable owner should remove at their earliest convenience, but the seller claims to still have the originals ready to be remounted.

Propped up by those wheels, though, is a ’95 Viper. What more needs to be said? If you’re not making a frantic offer already, you simply have mediocre taste in cars.

The ad copy for this RX-7, in full:

“Will sell whole car project car starts and runs 2500 clean title”

What more could you want? It’s a running RX-7 for less than the cost of a new fridge. Ignore the rust, just paint over it. That’s just what happens to cars in Rochester.

Does anyone have $10,950 they wanna loan me? It’s for, uh. Something else. It’s not just to buy a slightly newer KTM competitor to my existing BMW. I would totally not do that.

It’s just, I have this long day on the bike coming up tomorrow, and it sure would be nice to have that smooth KTM twin propelling me along the highway for five hours. The GoFundMe starts now.

This Trans Am started as a turbo model, but now wears a modern LS3 beneath its hood. The interior is updated, there are digital gauges on the dash — it’s a full restomod, minus all the gaudy aesthetic updates that word usually carries.

Interestingly, though, the front end has been swapped for an earlier, Bandit-styled model. This is the style that people often think of with the word “Trans-Am” (thanks to the movie) but I admire this owner’s restraint in not painting the whole car black and gold.

Hey, Rochester? It’s me. I know this seller is in Palmyra, but the Viper was closer to Greece anyway, so I’m lumping these two together. Anyway. I love you, you’re one of my favorite cities in the world, but I am begging you to get your shit together on aftermarket wheels.

This is an old 4Runner jacked up on tall suspension with LED lights and a roof rack. It should, by all means, be a genuine off-roader — yet, the wheels. Look at these wheels. Get rid of them immediately.

As long as we’re talking wheels, we can talk lights too. What’s going on here? As a two-time Miata owner, I’m used to sleepy headlight mods, but something about these triple lamps still seems odd. They should be one flat surface under the eye flap, like normal pop-ups.

Am I a traditionalist on that front? Maybe. But small light bars in sleepy eyes is a time-honored Miata mod, and it looks far better than whatever is happening here. This ZO6 has malice in its eyes.

Speaking of motorcycles I want, alongside that KTM, we have air-cooled BMWs. Reading Lone Rider by Elspeth Beard really kickstarted me down this path, and riding the Ural Gear Up with its air-cooled boxer really sold me.

I don’t want one of these as an only bike, I find carburetors disagree with me too much to rely on them for daily use. But, if I had space for multiple bikes, one of these would likely be next on the list after my dead-reliable ADV. I want to tinker.

Do you want the world’s coolest food truck? Well I have the deal for you. Pick up this Boyertown Merchandiser, fix it up to a reliable state, then fill the back with fryers or flat tops or panini presses. I’m not going to tell you what kind of food truck to run, just what kind of truck to make the food in.

If you do need suggestions, though, I’ve long had the idea for a smash burger truck. They’re fast yet filling, easy to eat by hand without seating, and allow for a varied menu that can change often without inventorying a massive number of ingredients. Plus, fan favorites can stick around as permanent menu items. Back in college, a friend and I decided this would be our backup plan if neither of us got jobs, but he ended up making big boy money at a real company. At least one of us did.

If you’re going to get a Mercedes, you may as well go all-out. Get yourself the S-class, the highest spec, the best of the best. But why stop there? Why not extend that wheelbase even further?

This claims to be a long-wheelbase S-class, which sounds about as luxurious as four-wheeled transportation gets. Look at that wood trim! Truly it doesn’t get any better than this.

It’s the right color. It’s the right era. Sure, the engine and cab are wrong, but is this not close enough to live your Twister dreams? What if this truck could actually probably outrun a tornado?

This Ram has a fully built diesel, with cams, rods, springs, everything. If you need to speed away from a waterspout loaded up with cows, this may be your best bet.

Look at this happy lil guy. Don’t you wanna buzz around in this with the top down and the sun on your face? Hair in the breeze, The Wombats on the stereo? What’s better than that?

Hit the headlights with a little bit of polish and just send it, the seller claims it needs nothing else. Apparently it’s never even been driven in rain, which you can believe as much as you’d like.

Do you want a retro-styled modern bike with a triple that winds up to approximately the speed of light, with an exhaust note that sounds like a scream from God themselves? Of course you do.

Here it is, the only vehicle that matches that description. Listen to this video and tell me you don’t want this bike.